April 26,2009

Never expect to outgrow loneliness,Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception, If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. - white oleander

I never thought in my whole life that I can attain atleast a bit solitude by reading white oleander how very ironic.

It's over and ok I will take on all the blame, I'm the culprit, I'm at fault.I never had a single idea on the whole duration of our relationship that you're the one whose going to leave me, I told you before never spoil me i might get used to it but anyway I'm thankful because I experienced the beauty and the bliss of how it is to fall inlove because of you.

I'm still in a state of shock everytime I awake from the realization that again I'm single alone in this world often times I caught myself staring at space for long periods of time thinking of the great loss that I had, I think in a couple of days, months when school starts were both going to be very busy and forget of the ugly hurtful things that happened, i know in time you will forget about me and the wounds and scars that I planted in your heart I'm really very sorry.

I just hated myself because i had this strong urge to listen to our favorite songs demmit I'll just settle for sad songs so that I can really feel the vibe and not pretend that were still together and everything is alright.

the funny things is i never thought that jealousy will destroy us let alone cause misunderstandings because come on it is very petty. but i respect your feelings and ideas about certain things and I cannot blame you if you thought of it as a vital cause of your hurts and sufferings.

I wanted to cry hard to release all the hurt the pain the disappointment everything but I can't I really just can't it's as if all the sufferings I have here in my heart just wanted to permanently stay and linger, they don't want to be released in the form of salty bitter overflowing tears.

In the end I can't hide the fact that I still love you but I know even after you read this I don't even know if you will take the time anyway it's useless.