Sunday, August 23, 2009

panda on my mind

I want an anti obsessor NOW as in today ASAP. I really can't decode why I'm behaving so bratty and childish when it comes to dealing with things that involves panda. I mean I'm used to some occasional disappointments and ruined expectations every now and then but when panda is the one who can't keep up with my ridiculous demands and towering expectations I turn into a monster. I can't help it, Even if I know that everytime I do things such as being sarcastic,mean and cold hurts panda deeply I just can't stop, at the back of my mind my pride is telling me that I should get what I want no ifs and buts. That I should be panda's TOP PRIORITY period.

I'm really guilty of being a selfish lover added to that also an obsessed one. I dunno if this feeling is still normal or right but what can I do my system is so used to being with panda, dealing with panda,caring for panda,loving panda. That I can't bear it if I don't see panda even for just a single day.That whenever I get turned down by her I became a monster, giving panda a cold shoulder treatment and crocodile tears.

tell me is this normal?
is this still love?
where can I get an anti obsessor. I need it badly NOW.

Friday, August 7, 2009

you will never be forgotten

how do you handle a loss?I never thought losing someone who has shared their life with you could be this painful and conscientious. Experiences like this always make me regretful leaving me bothered with nostalgic thoughts, with unpleasing experiences brought by selfishness caused by growing up. I can barely remember this feeling because the last time it came to my life was when I was 10 years old, the moment when my favorite grand father died.

I never knew that my last visit would be the last time I can take a glimpse in his thriving life, I'm really ashamed of the past encounters that we have. As a child he really did a good job caring for me and treating me as his own when my parents decided to place me in his custody just so they can attend to their jobs, But as the years pass by as a teenager I really have this gut feeling that he perceived me as a slacker and hard headed kid I can't blame him because of the certain act of stubbornness I show whenever my family came to visit in their house.

I'm talking about my uncle. I never had an ounce of idea of his condition this week but when the moment my mother told me privately of what is reality passing through time. I knew the worst is coming, And for the second time in my life again I felt the feeling of emptiness because of loss.

Death its a natural process,some would say its normal all of us know for a fact that sooner or later we will get to this stage, But what about the memories, the experiences, the encounters that ends because of it.

people like me can never get over a loss.